Friday, December 23, 2005

Grunt Time in the City

I did my Christ shopping today--shopping for Jesus is fun--especially in the big city. What big city you say? Big City Anytown, USA!!! I'm bound to keeping a loose cloak of anonymity due to the theme of some of my posts. I must protect the innocent, and most importantly, myself. There are few who lurk here--those few that check in from time to time, that never leave comments, but wonder if I'm talking about them--they know where I live, so I've got to be careful. I'm Just kidding. They don't even read this thing.

So, I go into the city to buy gifts and I was treated to an entertaining series of vignettes. The first one involved a couple of drunken bums in front of a deli. I first thought that they were fighting each other, but it turned out that one was falling over, and the other one was helping him fall over. After they got done falling over each other a few times, they went over to a shop and started to look through the bushes, for what, I don't know. But, whatever it was they were looking for must've been a hallucination. They then started to bang on the shop's windows. The shop keep got the door locked before they could get in. One of the bums then stood out front looking in, while the other one went around the back to find treasure. He didn't find treasure, but relieved himself on the neighbor's Volvo. These guys then saw my brother and I in his vintage 'burban parked in this deli's lot. They stumbled up to us with devious intentions. I grabbed a breaker bar from the middle section and played with it in open view in the front seat. They backed off from us, only to hassle a guy coming out of the deli. We didn't stick around after that.

Second vignette happened on the way to a record store. There is this small park, about the size of a large house lot, near this intersection that we were stopped at. I noticed a disheveled man who looked like he had no idea who he was, where he was, or what was going on. I could see that he was in trouble, but because of the hedge, I couldn't see the reason why. As we made our left turn, I saw through a clearing that the man had his pants half way down and was covered from his backside down in his own evacutory sludge. I came pretty close to vomiting. I probably should have called the police to help him, but I didn't. Bad me.

Third vignette happened in a supermarket parking lot. An old man, Methuselah I believe was his name, had tried to park his car in the cage that the shopping carts go in. He finally got in the thing, by golly. He dented the hell out of his fender and door doing it too. Oh yeah, he couldn't get out of his car. A bag boy came out and told him that he couldn't park there. The man smiled, then flashed his handicapped parking badge. He finally figured out that he couldn't park there. Have you ever seen a car drag a shopping cart stable around a parking lot before? Well, I have. A pretty nice Lexus was victimized by this man and his mobile shopping cart station, as well.

Do I sound at all callous? I bet I do. While I bought gifts for Jesus, I didn't help any of these people out. I either felt threatened, repulsed, or amused by them, but did nothing to make their situation better. Christ would've helped them all. Would you?

6 comments:

jen said...

heya, its jen, i'm sorry i took so long to reply, i forgot all about my website. air cadets is associated with the RAF very closely, but there's no need for you to join the military afterwards, though many do (i am still undecided). We have uniforms - teh standard dark blues, light blues for formal occasions and greens (camoflage) which we wear for our outdoors activities. http://www.aircadets.org/ will give you an idea of what we get up to! teh best thing, though, is all the friends you meet. I'm not too keen on teh shooting, but i think that's because i have such a bad aim

The Grunt said...

That sounds like it would be a good experience--meeting people and the activities. Good to see you back at the blog.

maura said...

I might have helped the guy who had crapped himself. But I've had experience with that...

The Grunt said...

Oh Maura, you've got a heart of gold. Seriously, that was one oddly entertaining day.

rjw said...

Ah, Grunt, I didn't realise until today that you had a personal blog. Very good. With regard to trying to help the distressed, there is a thing that happens in Britain quite often whereby a couple (inevitably drunk) are having a violent row on the street and you are unlucky enough to walk by. You hesitate because it seems that the man is about to start hitting the woman and you think you might be able to stop it. However, when they notice your interest they both round on you and the lady encourages her man to beat the shit out of you so that you are obliged to run away with them both screaming abuse at you. This has happened to me a couple of times so I tend to mind my own business. The irony of it all is that you do end up calming their quarrel by providing a third party for them to unite against.

The Grunt said...

You're absoulutely right on that one RJW.

Welcome to my other blog. I've got three. This one, 120 dB's, and the other one that I'm having writer's block with at the moment.