Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Duh...Okay! And the Case of the Fishy French Fries

There's this guy that I worked with a while ago, he could never stop thinking or talking about food. He was about 47 or so, and had a wife and kids. But, there was something seriously screwed-up with this man. Whenever he acknowledged anything anybody said, he'd cut you off before you finished what you were saying to him with, "Duh, okay!" He was not joking around. That's just how he sounds.

He knew where there were candy dishes, free food, and especially if there were any new fast food restaurant openings within a fifty-mile radius of where he lived. He new of ways to get free food that just boggle the mind. He eats McDonald's for almost every meal, sometimes Denny's or Papa Murphy's, but mostly the big "M".

He regularly would tell me about what he ate and how good it was. He thought of me as some kind of demigod of the fast food world since I'd worked at the big one in the past. He liked me to talk to him and explain the process of preparing his favorite foods. His eager eyes would open wide and his mouth would be agape when I'd describe how to make biscuits and such, always finishing my sentences with "Duh, okay!" One day, though, he came to me with a puzzled look on his face.

There was one thing, though, that really troubled him. It was a mystery that he felt only I could solve. This is the best I could remember him telling me about it. I'm not exagerating either:
I went to McDonald's today and I ordered a Supersize Big Mac Meal like I always do. When I got my food, I tasted my french fries--they tasted like fish! I said to myself, "These french fries taste like fish!" I wasn't sure, so I had my son taste my french fries, he said, "Hey dad, your french fries taste like fish, but mine do not." I really felt strange because I did not know why my french fries tasted like fish. So, I went to the front counter and told the girl that my french fries tasted like fish. She did not know why they tasted like fish, but they did--my son even said so. She did not seem to care that my french fries tasted like fish. So, I demanded that she get the manager to tell me why my french fries tasted like fish. The manager came and I told her that my french fries tasted like fish. I asked, "Why do my french fries taste like fish, but my son's do not?" The manager lady was not very nice to me. She said that the french fries were fine, but they were not--they tasted like fish! I told her that I wanted new fries. She gave me new fries and that made me happy, but I still do not know why my french fries tasted like fish?

I offered my best explanation to him (they must've tried to fry them in the fish vat), and he did the "Duh, okay" thing, but still looked troubled and a little traumatized by the whole thing. I found out later, though, that he bothered at least three other people with the same story. People, get down on your knees and thank God that you're not this guy.


UltimateWriter said...

Or be forced to work with this guy.

Chekkout the UltimateWriter.com Blog @ http://ultimatewriter.blogspot.com

The Grunt said...

You know what's really creepy, though. I get postcards from this guy. The last one was from a trip he took to California. He was famous for thinking that if he stood nearby people who were talking to each other that he was part of their conversation. This bugged a lot of people. BTW, you've got some good sites Ult. Writer.

UltimateWriter said...

Thanks grunt.

Oh yeah the conversation crasher, those are great. Maybe you should consider changing your address.

oilspill said...

I'm suprised he didn't send you postcards of the new food places that he visited!!lol. Come try my blog out at

The Grunt said...

I can give you guys a description of his voice. Picture Chris Farley's Chicago sports fan SNL routine, "Da Bears, Da Bulls, Da Cubs, Mike Diktka." This guy is a native of Chicago, too.

Alright, now to do the "duh, okay" thing right you have to channel Chris Farely's spirit and start with a soft "Du" that falls then rolls into a resonant "oooh" which rises up into a hard "K" then falls again into "aaaay!" Fall, rise, fall inflection--there you have it.

Oh, thanks for your comments guys. I always check out sights from people who contribute flavor to my blog.

oilspill said...

The reasos you aren't you aren't on my list is cuz I haven't read all of your blog yet. Come see if you made it later. I'll check your blog out now.

Thomas said...

What is chattle?

q-_-p VĂ­ctor H. said...

well, let me tell you "chattle" is when a perfectly stable heterosexual couple have sex, and the girl penetrate the boy, and it also refer to... for example the avocado, it's a fruit or a vegetable?
what a world.. mmm what a chattle world.

The Grunt said...

I actually spelled that word wrong. I never bothered to check it and spell check does not have it in its vocabulary. The correct spelling is chattel.

From Webster's:
chattel--(1)an item of tangible movable or immovable property except real estate, freehold, and things (as buildings) connected with real property (2)SLAVE, BONDSMAN.

The bondsman that it refers to is a slave or serf, not the bailbonds type.

The question that I pose to anybody is, who owns you--who are you slave to? It fits into the whole grunt theme rather well.

Pokey said...

This poor guys sounds absolutely nuts! I can't believe he couldn't figure out or understand why his fries tasted like fish. some people amaze me. Although I find such people very amusing.

oilspill said...

Thanks for the link! Woohoo!