Sunday, August 14, 2005

New Swear Word

This new swear word was made up by me accidentally. I had worked as a custodian for a school and did a lot of general building maintenance. One day I had to go up on the roof to check out some AC units. There were several ways to get up to the roof via iron ladders bolted into the walls. The access point where I went up was in a poorly lit storage area. I had my underling (even grunts have grunts) hold some tools while I climbed up the access portal. Once you get to the top of these things you have to get out a key and take the padlock off, pull the release lever, and then the hatch springs open. First of all, if you've ever climbed up one of these fixed ladders (I'm sure there's a better word for what these are) you'll know how much harder it is to hang on to than a conventional ladder when you're trying to work with the other hand, due to the vertical nature of the thing. So, onward and upward I went.

When I neared the top of the portal I really couldn't see the steel support beam at the top. My underling called down to me as I was climbing up, "...uh, when do you want these tools?" It was just then that I reached the top, but being distracted, I took one step too high and slammed the crown of my head into the edge of this beam. Now, one thing you need to know about me before we continue with this story is that I'm a reformed gutter mouth. I usually catch myself in a swear before it reaches my lips. I didn't do so well this time.

Upon hitting my head, the first words that formed in my head were "Oh, fu@& that hurt!" As the verbal centers of my brain tried to send that message to my lips, the higher part of my brain sent out a cease and desist letter. What came out was quite funny: "Ahhhfak!" Imagine this said with a high-pitched stereotypical "Asian" accent (I'm not Asian BTW), that's how it sounded. My underling immediately started to go into hysterics, repeating over and over again what came out of my mouth, adding more of that Asian accent, "Ahhfak, AAhfak, AAAhfak!" I tried not to laugh as blood trickled down my head but I couldn't help it any longer. The harder I laughed, the harder it became to hold on to the rungs of the ladder and my hands began to slip. I caught myself before I fell, rose up, then hit myself in the same damn place on my head. I let out another "Ahhhfak!" Then my underling countered with "Ahhhsoysauce!!!"


rjw said...

This reminds me of my time as a waiter many years ago when I involuntarily uttered a new expression of gratitude. As I handed the customer her change, two everyday words - 'cheers' and 'thanks' - emerged from my lips together as 'choinks'
We both laughed and she said she would use the word in future.

The Grunt said...

This is awesome! I don't think hardly anybody ever got to read my first posts. I consider my early entries to be some of my funnier stuff. I'm sure that you've caught on that this was originally a work experiences blog (thus the moniker "The Grunt"). I also use this psuedonym to cover my butt in case someone that I currently work with happens upon this blog. My blog has drifted away from strictly work stories, though.

I'm also going to use "choinks" in a conversation now. That must've been hilarious to have witnessed its creation.

rjw said...

I really enjoy your blog. You are an excellent wordsmith. It should become popular. There are many of us grunts around. Kind of over-educated under-achievers. I did a philosophy degree and have spent much time cleaning and guarding things ever since. A factotum. But the view from the bottom can be great and it is good to have a forum such as your blog for our experiences.

The Grunt said...

Thaks for the compliment. My bliss is writing. I just have to overcome my restlessness and write a novel. I need to perfect my craft, get better with grammer (everybody could), and not be afraid of failure.

I'm glad that there's someone like you reading my blog and sharing comments. I've felt somewhat of a misfit in my own local culture. I now realise that my time in England changed me, and I miss that culture a lot. It also helps that my ancestors were mostly British blood.

I know that looking from the bottom up can be both intriguing and soul crushing. I just hope that if I ever make it up to the top, that I don't forget what it was like to be on the bottom.

Choinks, mate!