Sunday, July 30, 2017

Mountain Clowns

I have stated in the past that I like the idea of Bigfoot.  What I mean by that is that I feel that the possibility of Bigfoot keeps me feeling hopeful, kind of like believing in God.  Thinking about Bigfoot, I recently asked myself, "Can the same be said about clowns?" Why compare the two? I mean, clowns do exist and they do not give me hope...except Ronald McDonald. He's a pretty good clown in my book, so not all clowns must be bad, right? I feel I could get behind the idea of a new type of clown, or yet to be discovered clown.

I went about thinking of different types of clowns: party, circus, sad ones, killer, alien, and the ones that hang out at 7-Elevens. I'm sure I left some out. However, the clown must've had its origins along side primitive man somewhere along the way.  If so, then there was a wild clown who roamed the earth at some point in time.  I have wondered occasionally that some of those wild clowns might exist still to this day, much in the same way Neanderthal DNA found it's way into modern humans via interbreeding, or perhaps, a clown version of Bigfoot.

Rendering of a possible clown/Bigfoot hybrid.
Is there a lost tribe of Mountain Clown, perhaps?  There's been several situations where I believed that I was indeed confronted with evidence of mountain clowns: graffiti on rocks and trees, trash, used "balloons", and torn up hillsides. Those turned out to just be idiots who treat the outdoors as their personal trashcan. Moving on, the real mountain clown would most likely be timid and hole up in caves, with the occasional pine cone juggling or prat fall into bear shit being captured in an out of focus photo.

The odds are that mountain clowns do not exist, but if they did, I would imagine that they would be covered in technicolor fur, with huge floppy feet, red noses, and a comical way of moving through the forest. They would originate from the Clown Mountains, where flowers squirt the purest spring water, and all the animals are made from balloons. I can just hear their mating call of "honk-honk" filling the air among the cottoncandywood trees and seeing tourists feed them jelly beans, despite the park's strict "do not feed the clowns" policy.

P.S. No, I haven't been micro dosing LSD.


Vampiressrory said...

While I still like to believe something along the lines of "Killer Klowns From Outer Space" is their true origin, the thought of a Bigfoot clown is truly terrifying! When you consider the size of regular clown feet compared to regular human feet and then the size of Bigfoot feet to regular human feet, and use that proportion to find the scale of a Bigfoot clown's feet, the size of a Bigfoot clowns feet would be insane. We must be mistaking their tracks for river beds... that certainly would make them harder to find! Which states do you think would be the most likely to be the home of the Bigfoot clowns?

The Grunt said...

I think that Bigfoot clowns would most likely live in states of inebriation, lol! In other words, pick a state, and add mountains with drunk/stoned people--that's what summons a Clownfoot. If Florida had mountains, is what I'm saying:D

Vampiressrory said...

I know where to find Clownfoot!:o He's been hiding in plain sight!