Sometimes I wonder about my life and why things happen the way they happen. I'm either too smart or too dumb...I don't know which. Well, if I don't seem to know which, then it's probably the latter. I certainly feel like I've been rather dumb lately, dumb and insensitive. I blame Donald Trump.
Have you ever entered a situation or an experience so loaded with prior hangups and bad memories that you ruined things? Yeah, I've totally screwed shit up because of that. I can say that I'm cool with things and try to convince myself and others that I'm okay with it, but if I haven't really dealt with my issues, they always have a way of showing up at the wrong time and wanting to crash the party. I blame Hillary Clinton.
I may not want something 100%, but that doesn't mean that I don't want it like 85%. What's with the whole binary system of desire, anyway? I am criticizing myself here. It seems I have to want something with every fiber of my being in order to make a life decision. Shit, I don't have this standard with food. There have been plenty of times where I choose some kind of burger with a bit of uncertainty, but after am all "Damn, that was a good freaking burger!" It's really because I can be a chicken shit sometimes. I blame the media.
Sure, there's a rush when you flee your supposed "burning building", a feeling like you've somehow escaped a potential problem. The problem is that when there becomes a pattern of these events, well, you have to start asking yourself if you just view every situation as a burning building. I blame my optometrist.
What do I do? I don't know, really. If I hurt someone, then I do my best to make that right. But what do I do about myself? I am repeatedly hurting myself and it has to stop. I have to identify my problems and their root causes. After that, well, the hard work begins of actually trying to fix myself. Can't I just shut up and play my guitar? I blame society.
Boy, this self evaluation stuff is hard. I blame myself. At least that's a start.
4 years ago