I needed some modeling clay the other day (wow, that totally rhymed). I am using this clay for checking clearances on some mechanical parts. I go into the local arts and crafts store, you know, the type that should have a "no boys allowed" sign out front. Which is to say, this arts and crafts store is really a fabric store that has a smidgen of art supplies to qualify putting "art supplies" on the sign. First gripe: no modeling clay! Fhat the wuck? I got pissed off and left the store.
I had to get my damn modeling clay!
I thought of Walmart--too easy. Try harder, Grunt. There's a Dollar Store! I go in there and start checking out all the kids toys. For awhile I was doing fine, but then a lady comes down the aisle. For some reason, I start feeling stupid. I did this to myself. I mean, it's not like she knows one way or another that I don't have kids and that shouldn't matter. If I want a damn kid's toy, Imma gettin' it! And I found what I was looking for, some kind of off brand Play-Dough, two jar pack for a buck.
I took that one item up to the counter and I almost did the thing where you get a bunch of other items to somehow hide the thing that you really want to buy, say, condoms when you're a teen or tampons for your woman. I caught myself about to to do this, but then decided that I was being a total jabroni about it. I went right up to the counter, put my kiddie clay right up to the checker lady and said, "Just this, please." She gave me this look like, What the fuck are you buying this for? I sent her a psychic telegram that said, Because Play-Dough, that's what the fuck for! I think she totally got my telegram. Now don't bother me. I'm going to make rude sculptures with this stuff before I have to use it for what I needed it in the first place.
What is the only thing that can save us from this evil combover?
Why it's our friend Gay Toupee!
I know that technically speaking that this is a wig, but Trump's hair needs a lot of help, just as our country will need if he is elected president. But if Trump gets outfitted with TIGF!!! level hair, he might come to his senses, drop out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination, leave his wife, and save John Travolta from Scientology, which I believe robbed him of both his dignity and his hair.
Trumpvolta would be the ultimate power couple, far greater than the Clintons. Trumpvolta doesn't have to be a sexual partnership, just a TIGF!!! one. Once Trumpvolta is under the guidance of the Gay Toupee, they will be unstoppable. Trump will broker the deals, boss people around and Travolta will create sensible policies and programs to benefit the American people. This is how the Travolta half of Trumpvolta would deal with terrorists: I think it could work.
