Sunday, January 01, 2012

Community (on a cellular level--and no, this has nothing to do my health)

("Bob" the cell) "Hey guys, what's up?"

(The rest of the cells) "Bob, don't kill yourself."

(Bob): "So, I'm kind of out of things to, I'm going to kill myself, if that's okay?"

(The rest of the cells) "Bob, we need you to not do that."

Bob the cell goes away for awhile, floats around bumping into shit a fair amount and then comes back to the rest of the gang.

(Bob) "Hey everybody, I just got back. I'm pretty tired now. I'm going over to brain and off myself there, if that's okay?"

(The rest of the cells) "Bob, don't kill yourself. We need you to something for us first. We heard of rumors that Jerry was mutating over in the corner of the colon. He's quite charming and might have a following now. We want you to go and deal with it."

(Bob) "B-But, I like Jerry."

(The rest of the cells) "We know and feel that, based on your relationship of trust, you are the cell that can get close enough to him and get the job done. Plus, you did such a great job with the flu earlier this year; we thought of you."

(Bob) "You know that I'm a joiner. This is totally not going to work."

(The rest of the cells) "It's what we all want, Bob; just do it already."

Bob travels to the dark recesses of the colon and finds his ol' chum Jerry, only Jerry is a bit different now and is keeping some bad company.

(Jerry) "Well, look what the crap dragged in...Bob!"

(Bob) "Hey Jerry. You're still hanging 'round here, huh?"

(Jerry) "Yeah, you know me. I can't really do much else. I'm kinda stuck here with the twenty-year-old macaroni. You?"

(Bob) "Oh, just cellin'. Say, things look a bit different around here. Who are your new friends?"

(Jerry) "Same gang, Bob. We all felt that the scene was a bit old and wanted a change. And you know what's funny? Ever since we changed, we don't need everyone telling us to not kill ourselves. In fact, we want more cells like us. This is fun!"

(Bob) "Sounds great, but who's working the colon right now?"

(Jerry) "Who cares? Who??"

(Bob) "Well, we care bob and me and the rest of the cell community request that you kill yourself. Isn't that great?"

(Jerry) "Bob, fuck you!"

Bob, feeling like a total failure, went back to report what he found to the rest of the cells. The rest of the cells continued to deny his requests to commit suicide. He was given light duty assignments because they all thought he was weird. Later on, Bob finally got the order to die and so did every other cell. The End.

Author's note: C#


Megan said...

Have you thought about authoring children's books?

The Grunt said...

Well, based on my declining readership, YES!

jason said...

this is a great story, though you may have some competition on the children's book front.

jason said...

happy new year btw.

Jules said...

Well that was totally weird and comical...

Pearl said...

Touching and poignant, yet slightly obscene.

I like it!


The Grunt said...

Jason~ Happy New Year, back at ya! BTW, I think I'm going to find that book you mentioned.

Jules~ Because I am both weird and comical, but this you already knew.

Pearl~ Yes, when someone gets touched in their poignant, it is quite obscene.

tys said...

i dont think u have lost the readership...i think people are too lazy to comment..include me in that list..

but i really liked this was , what they say, poignant...insightful and slightly gothic....i detect major talent here...

vera said...

I am still here, albeit busy and stuff...
Me gusta!

Anonymous said...

All it requires one undesirable experience with an advance payday loan provider to cause significant as well as long lasting economical trouble more info As the identity itself says, the no credit assessment personal loans include the loans exactly where credit check is not made ahead of approving the financial loan