I think my cell phone is mocking me. It started playing a taunting jingle at me one night. It was that Harry Nilsson/Three Dog Night number "One" and it kept playing it over and over. I answered the phone, and to my surprise, I was on the other line. Me: "What you doing up so late, Grunty?"
Me (for realsies): Um, I was just sitting around feeling stupid and lonely. I think an emotional hybrid of the two called 'flupie'. Yes, that's it, flupie."
Me: "Well, you are just sitting there in your undies doing nothing--I'm doing nothing--so, waddya say, huh?"
Me (for realsies): "What are you suggesting?"
Me: "I'm kind of lonely myself and I hear you are the best dirty talker in town. I could come over and see if that rumor is true."
Me (creeped out for realsies): This is some pretty effed up "The 6th Day" Arnie Schwarzenegger shit happening right here, Maht. Naw, I don't like to think I'm literally making love to myself when that goes down, brother."
Me: "Hey, it was just an idea. There's another plan."
Me (skeptical for realsies): "Yeah, what's that, a monkey in a tutu and a branding iron?"
Me: "No. You just don't trust yourself, do you. Our friend, Scott Baio, is in town and he is bringing the two girls from "Charles in Charge". I'm thinking we can distract Scott with some rock, and while he's hitting the pipe, we, as in me, can get it on with the goils, hehgehgehgehgeh! Oh, I cracks meeself ups. Scooodebedoodadooh, *toot-toot*"
Me (impressed for realsies): Wow, I thought my Popeye sucked ass until I heard it from you. Uh, me? Anyway, get me the hookup, Grunt. I'm so there."
Me: "Shit yah, bro. I got it all set. Wear your water wings."
12 comments:
Scott Baio makes everything funny!
Kels, he does! You are the only one who loves me on this post so far. Thanks!
Oh good then. I'm glad I'm not the only one who calls myself when I'm feeling flupie.
As a soon to be erased viking persona of The Grunt, I too feel flupie from time to time. You can call me when you are feeling flupie, OG.
When your cell phone is calling for your attention and playing a tune you ain't programmed into it. You can bet it's from one of two sources. Trouble or Scott Baio
Wait. All y'all have overlooked the important part here - Grunt has the big old voice AND he's a dirty talker.
Goddamn.
Ah do declare. Clutch mah pearls an' everythin'.
A big time flupie-feeler here. Raises her hand.
Keshi.
SM~ That Scott Baio is incorrigible! Watch for a future post with me interviewing him.
Karyn~ Can you handle my rich baritone? It is what I call "The Mahogany Growl".
Keshi~ Let's start a flupie club with O-girl!
Acid flashback Grunty?
why not...Im in. LOL!
Keshi.
Jules~ Yes, and you were there and so was my little dog Toto.
Keshi~ Cool beans!
Aw, yeah. Bring it on, Grunty.
Post a Comment