This is the reason everything hurts recently. Feckin' rocks. Let this be a lesson to watch where you are going, or else you too may have an effed up knee, arm, and left hand. Nothing serious. It just hurts like the dickens. Enjoy!
It hasn't been quite a year since my sister Bonnie's death but the anniversary of certain events that led up to that untimely and tragic event have come and gone. I've had some dreams lately about my sis. The one I had recently was pretty awful to wake up from because in the dream I was experiencing an extreme joy of having found her alive. By whatever miracle that dream logic follows, my sister was there waiting for me. Somehow, in the dream, she had got lost and forgot who she was, finally remembered who she was and we found each other. I can't describe the joy that I felt. It was like something removed me right out of this miserable husk that I've been enduring ever since.
Who I am has changed. I don't know what I am anymore. I came across an old picture of my sisters surrounding me right before I was to set off for my mission to England. Bonnie was behind me on my left side caressing me. A lot of my faith came from looking at her and the way she looked at me in return. That caress and others like it were the things that kept me going. It just goes to show you how bad addiction can be that those moments a year ago between us weren't enough to turn things around. The terror in her eyes from those helpless moments is ever present in my memory. I was fool enough to want something or someone to stop it all and relieve Bonnie, my family and I of the responsibility. Someone did, but not in the way that I had wanted. I wonder if it was what she wanted.
It has been almost four years since I've written any songs. I was beginning to think that music was over for me and that dealing with the equipment end of things was my consolation prize for giving it a shot and realizing that it was all just good fun. I broke that spell this weekend. I wrote a song for my sister and sung it to her--I felt that she heard. It just about damn near killed me to actually do it and I don't think that I would ever have it in me to ever share it with anyone else. Something so personal reaches such a sacred level that it is only meant to exist in the temple of the moment.
Just in case anybody was worried that I am a misogynist, well, towards female produce stand merchants, I will tell you what really happened. I passed by a corn stand everyday going to work this summer. It didn't matter who passed the stand, when this one girl was working it, she would try and wave at anybody and anything. She also did the hula a few times, of which I thought was funny. I would sometimes go to the stand just to see what was selling and did get samples.
This girl was nice and I did have a big BBQ that I had to get stuff for (I was part of the planning committee). So I figured that I would have a great source for all of my corn needs in this particular stand, not to mention "Fresh Corn" Girl.
The day came that I needed to buy my seven dozen ears of corn. I headed down to the stand and they weren't open. I really didn't have time to dick around waiting for them to show up. There was another stand in the town just south of where I was and headed down that way. The girl there was low key, but cute and helpful--very young, though. I got my corn cheaper by a dollar a dozen less. It was really good and sweet corn as well--a big hit at the BBQ.
The next time I saw Fresh Corn Girl, I decided to tease her a bit and told her that all of her waving at me was wasted and that I bought my corn somewhere else. She actually got a bit mad at me. I told her that I felt bad and that I would buy some melons later. Well, the joke was on me: the stand closed two days later and I never got to have Fresh Corn Girl melons. Damn, now who's gonna shuck with me?
I hate to tell you this, but all of your waving at me over the summer was all for naught. I ended up buying my corn at another stand. You know, I didn't plan it, it just happened. Sorry. Thanks for the free samples of orange flesh melons, though.